I often find myself homesick. I am homesick for a place, I think maybe its a person I am not sure. I have never been there and I don't know where it is or if it ever really existed. Truthfully I have never been satisfied. meaning felt safe in a place I knew I was supposed to be. I guess maybe some of us are born wanders and we just don't get to have that satisfaction of knowing we are in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. It seems as though i am forever in the right place at the wrong time or the wrong place at the right time and I can never get to that place where I feel like I am home and so I continue desperately searching for this place I feel I belong. this place I don't know even exist now or later or in a past life. I don't understand why I feel the need to look for this myth I have in my head of 'home' this person place or thing that would make me feel I belong. Lately, I think that maybe I searching for me. and when I find me who I am supposed to be then and only then will I be home. for some reason, this thought brings me great sadness. I believe it is because I will always be found wanting.
I know that I don't right often its usually just my artwork because it speaks louder than I ever could but today I feel a little like maybe words could suffice. I do miss working and I am hoping to get back to it soon I was so much happier when I was working.
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